Song lyrics and Sunsets.

you know when your driving, and you look and your 6 miles from the last street you remember.

i feel like thats been my entire summer.

last thing i remember is giving my ceramic mushroom to Paige,

but now im here.

like 3 weeks away from school


sounds nice that way.


aslo, ive been a little emotionally unstable this summer.

lately i feel like im just watching my life pass by me.

and not in an emo way.

its hard to explain.

like , its like if i were dead and i came back down to see how everyone was, this is what it would be like.


its good to know the same problems will just keep happening no matter how long we're apart.


good to see how easily you can push someone out.

i've always been really bad at it.
even worse when you live with them.


probably why i always forgive the person.
but...im almost cashed out.
i think.

or, ya know when you realize the person you look up to inst still that person.
but they're human like the rest of us.
except for all you penguins reading this.

i guess thats all.

for the deep part of the blog anyway.


ducess!

Adele and Adolesents

so me and allie's current favorite, would you say favorite allie?

"yeahh"

yes, so as i was saying, our current(sorry this is going to take all night allie hahah)favorite is adele,shes just grand, my favorite is hometown glory and Allies is cold shoulder, which is weird because a month ago or so, just guestimating, we both liked the other, weird huh.

heres her link if you'd like to listen to it, its great stuff.

www.myspace.com/adelelondon

pretty awesome.

SEcondly, with a big e apparently, me and allie went to mutual last night, which was a rousing game of lameness.

you like got random objects out of a bucket and ran to the other side.

im like you but a hot and spicy in that bucket and ill play along, but for real.

it was pointless, so i just sat out.

im all, just like gym class huh, and like no one laughed im all this really is too much like gym class.

then their all britanee, get out of the way, im like "oh sorry, let me swim back in the ocean"

hahah they like didn't know they were allowed to laugh.

im like.........so uhhhhhhhhh, this game is uhhh a great spiritual experience....

they were acting like there spiritual fate was in this game, "if i dont get that golf ball in that can, i wont make it to the celestual kingdom."

its funny because i kept objecting to the rules and everyone was all up tight and stuff, im like id like to see any of these boys take me in a scrapbooking contest, i can whip up a mean scrapbook page.

vacations,holidays, lay it on me.

haha anyway

so far me and al have done nothing today just kicked around, i made an awesome breakfast and nopw we're just chjillin out.

we're about to go tan thou, doesnt that sound great !

ok bye !

Waking up to the sun and Waking up to reality.

FOr real ?


The last 2 days, something unbelievable has happened.

a murder,
Micheal Jackson dead.
my sisters death anniversary.
its like death everywhere.

shoot...


woah no pun intended.

its the strangest thing in the world what you wake up not knowing what you will when you go to bed.


no one wakes up thinking they wont be going back to sleep that night.


weirdd.

and you cant live everyday like it was your last, because if you dont die.
your screwed.

ohh yeah i ditched school to go to las vegas, i was sposed to be dead by now ?

so i guess just live in a way that you'd be happy with your life if you died tomorrow.


on the bright side of things, the love of my live

mitchel davis

is single.

Far Future Plans and Near Future Actions

Me and Allie were driving and it just hit me.
Im all talk and no bite...or something...or is it like...all bark no bite.
yeah but whats the one
ohh wait i got it
all talk no action ?
i think.
hmmm
hear no evil?
hah
never mind you wouldn't get it.
hah!
back to what i was saying.
so im like
"allie, this is the summer i get my own show."
and shes all ok do it.
i know how.
"i checked....online."
thats a little movie quote for yall.
so whats stopping me is that it could kinda ruin my life.
well i dont care about mine but like my parents or family's.
like what if something happens on the show that embarrass them.
i guess we'll see.
or i could just go move to California and try and get famous.
but we all know how that goes.
maybe its different when you actually have talent.
its just that recently I've seen allot of people life's that are just ...probably not how they wanted them to turn out.
they arnt happy, they arnt making the money they want...that kinda thing.
and i dont want that.
I dont know whether i should just go for my dreams or be realistic.
shooot.
i just dont want to regret whatever decision i make.
becoming famous is sorta irreversable.
buts its crazy easy.
i could start a youtube or get my own show on mtv.
or go to casting calls in california.
or i could just stay here and go to college .


although.
i really think someone is trying to tell me something.
really.

anyways/i think this blog is more for me than you.
so sorry you had to see all of this.


its too bad that dreams are just for now.

i mean right ?

Growing up and Growing nervouse

I recently got a job at cinimark,like really recently.
i only applied a week ago today, or tomorrow.So it was fast.
I went to orientation yesterday and...im scared out of my mind.
I'm not going to remember anything, theirs all of thees closets and....its just nuts.
and like....theirs what to do in case of a bomb threat, or if a robber comes at you.....yeah.
i just don't want to look stupid.
by the way i work 6-close on Friday night as my first shift...
wow.
the busiest night of the week and i get concessions.
sweet.you can stop by and see a movie and see me.
its gonna be awesome.
but i'll get through it.

other than that nothing very exciting going on.
Besides being very tired.

Arco and life lessons

I should have known better.
but ive never had to do the handle. usually you just push a little button so arco is just gay.

so i go in and say 14$ on 4 and hes all ok.
so i go out and try to pump it- nothing.
allies mom was there so i was like asking her, she didnt know .
so i was like uhmm ill just go back in.
and so the guy was all "did you lift the handle"
of course i lifted the handle stupid.
"yes"
"just move to 7"
"okiedoke thanks,sorry."
so then i go to 7 .....nothing.
mother trucker.
the guy COMES OUT and clicks the little handle on the gas pump up, id been doing the handle on the nozzle.
wow.
ok "im embarrassed ,hah"
*walks away.*
you have a good day to sir.
so im pumpin its working all good and it stops.
im like.....that was quick i look up,
its sold me SIX DOLLORS
ok, lemme put it back in.
...................nope.
wow
so i was sick of feeling stupid so i just left.

arco , you owe me 8 bucks douches.

Fakes and relizations

what are you supposed to be when your torn between who they used to be, could still be and what they've turned into.

maybe this person was always this way.
maybe high school made them this way.
i dont know what i can do to make things better, i feel im making my best effort.
the more i try to let it go the more i hear.
Is being fake friends better than being enemy's ?


Im sick of being sick of it.

but what can you do ?


i just wanted you to know, i hear everything you say.

Dreams and Daytime

So last night, more like 10 minuets ago, i had the weirdest dream.
it consisted of drowning,suffocating,a really cute boyfriend I've never seen,coach wheeler ?to clear the confusion ,coach was not the boyfriend,and me seducing Cody hunt to find out how to get out of this vortex ?

so to say the least , it was weird.

just wrote in to say that.

Today, i woke up and went to my sister in laws, sisters house and we swam
supper fun
but im not used to chlorine pools and my eyes are doing that fuzzy thing !!!

ugh annoying.
anyhow.
then me and rachel turned in more applications for jobs,and also cinimark called to set up an interview,.
wooop wooop.

thats all for now.

good night.

wait , what.
i meant bye
off to eat tuna cassoral
maybe hang out woth brendan or jen or brendan and jen
in addition to rachel who im already with.
say hi rachel

"hi everyone"

that was rachel.

goodbye.

Tuesday Nights and Drive-ins

Today, i didn't wake up until 1.
so that was cool, thanks to my blogging until 4.
anyways, i woke up went to a dermatologist apt. and he told me that soda and milk are what causes most acne.
Im gonna be a pizza face my whole life.
And he told me Im cashing out my pancreas.
I'll just get a loan.
he's really awesome though, i like him.

then i went job hunting with Rachel and Allie
Ive applied at :
cinimark
Joanns
clairs
tillys
AS YOU WISH
paradise bakery
buckle
target
jc penny
mo jo yo go
anchor blue

so we'll see if anything comes of that.

job hunt, successful.
id say i caught me a buck.
HAH
no pun intended.

i meant like...when you hunt and kill a deer, like a buck..

but then its mon.....ok whatever.

then i went swimming and played some baby submarine (see deffinitions.)

then i went to sonic, yum.
but my pancreas feels a little lighter....
then i went to get gas in the truck hahaah

i was FAREAK dancing and Allie taps me and tells me these 2 guys are staring at me.
he was laughing so hard he was keeled over.
so i looked at him and nodded.
it was the best.


new skill i can officialy type wiothout looking at the keys !!!

(that portion done while looking SOLELY at the screen.


but on the down side charlie but Rachel and now we're killing her.
but i guess my family is notorious for that.
shoot we might as well have our own parking space at the euthanizer

Reminder: get name plate for parking space in vets parking lot.

I wrapped up my day with some good youtube time.
watching some verry cool stuff.

man plays trombone on agt

nuttin but strings

quest crew.

good stuff.
good night.

Canada and Coffins

And surprisingly its been a week today.

sorry yesterday,
it was today when i started writing this yesterday.


So i heard the news Monday night; grampa passed away.
And at first nothing.
No surprise, no real sadness.
Maybe its because it hadn't registered maybe its because then's tomorrow was my last real day of school instead of finals.
but still nothing.
i went through the day touching each option only to sprint back to the next.
Id finally decided i wasn't going.
until my principle walking in handing me a sheet of paper entailing the times i could take all 6 finals the next day,instead of 3.
"i guess i should have told my dad i was leaning toward not going"
i got home and my first reaction was panic.
i literally had a mental breakdown.
i don't think i finished my initial sentence for 3 hours.
I dragged around the house mumbling "i cant" with tears in my eyes only to fall to the ground when i couldn't find my passport , managing a weak "where did i put it?"
i Finaly voiced the fact i couldn't be ready for all of my finals i needed my extra day and i wasn't going.
So i didn't.
It wasn't until By Chance i looked at some pictures of grampa and the decision made itself.
I'm going.


so i went.
the plane ride up.
was a ...loud one.
4 hollanders (sp?)(dc)
who were verry,verry, engaged in what they were talking about.
And a son who mimicked everything his dad said...but not interrupting his occasional glances through the small space between his chair and the next to stare at me.
finally, we got off the plane and ate some a&w and we were off.

we arrived at my cousin David's house.
Which I'm pretty sure is the first time I've met him.yeah ? pretty sure.
because neither or us recognized each other...although that's...not uncommon.
I got through the awkward hugging unconfirmed strangers but i made allot of new friends. so next time it will be confirmed family.

BY the WAY
this is super long eh ?

so anyway

after that we went to the funeral home.
and had a viewing which i already knew...i don't like dead body's.
to me, that's just a body.
I'm so afraid of them.
i have never met this body in my life.
this pale , cold, waxy body.
my grampa didn't look like that.
and he didn't smile like that either; his teeth should be showing.
so i sat and watched the same 25 pictures of my grandpa in the other room for a long , long time.

the next day was the funeral.
the day it hit me.
the day i remembered the most about my grampa
i cried allot.
especialy whe the song was "god be with you till we meet again"
and, the day i realized
I'm going to die.
someday
i will have a funeral just like this.

no matter what.
you can put it in the back of your brain in a dusty corner .
that place you can just not think about.

but...maybe it's not as long as you think.
who knows.
it really gives a new meaning to all of those dumb little myspace pictures that say " live like its your last day blahh blahh this person really doesn't...their just average like you."
you know those.
with the glittery writing.


but anyway
i decided i want to write up a program just a brief outline that has like songs and who i want to speak, and the pictures i want,and what music i want at the dance party. and their will be no viewing.

so theirs that.
the rest of the trip was fun.

the morning of the funeral i really wanted to go for a run because i knew id be eating all of this Canadian food right?
so my dad said he'd come, in fact hes the one that held me to it the next morning.
and so did Sarah,my sister.
and i said lets go through this way,pointing right and he said," no, straight".
so we did.
ends up this lead to a sporadic pasture of foot hills with walking paths ,deer,scenic clifs, ad a Scottish man walking his huge dog.

also i got to stay at my Uncle Bruce and Aunt Luis's house.
i think i spelled that wrong.
sorry.
they have a heated floor in their bathroom !!!

wow !
they were so nice, i was really stressed about the kids making noise and going to jail at customs the next day but Aunt Luise ( again, sorry){im trying as manny spelling variations as i can, to make my chances better} brought up toys and their was this awesome machine that VIBRATED your fat.
that thing.
funniest moment WAIT !
no funniest moment had to be when my new favorite second cousin Harrison
went up to my dad and said
"what does your stomach feel like?"
and he said
"a big fat belly."
so Harrison took his hands and tried thrusting my dads stomach like, up to his chin.
and then he was like,
"its a big fat belly?"
and my dad said something abut it being bouncy.
So Harrison steps back and ran full force at my dads stomach only to be bounced back by it.
i laughed so hard.
then his brother or friend or something i dunno theirs more family their then their is Walmarts in a square mile, and hes all " cool , i want to try"
so he did it too.
wow.
tooo funny.
me and Harrison are now friends on face book.

kids.

But i totally decided me and Mitchell Davis are going their{Canada} someday.